Does the Former President Make the Best Word Salads?
Words randomly chucked into plastic salad dryer
In light of the recent deluge of angry “truths” emerging from the flailing social media platform, Lies Antisocial, linguists, etymologists and gourmands worldwide have resurrected a bitter debate about whether the former president actually serves up the best word salads. Such salads are created from the “best words” that he accorded himself in 2016.
When stacked up against the verbal outpourings of other prominent “eloquence influencers,” Trump's word count can be rated as “competitive.” Whether or not his words are really “the best,” he seems to have at least as many words as his most voluble challengers. The remaining question, therefore, focuses on word quality.
Trump’s linguistic rivals typically organize their words in recognizable strings comprising subjects, verbs and predicates, not always in that order. These rhetorical superstars punctuate their words with commas, periods, semicolons and the like, spiced-up by the occasional exclamation point or question mark denoting query or emphasis.
Such verbal arrangements are often labeled “full sentences.” Although certain letters occasionally carry capitalization, it is rare that ALL letters will be capitalized ALL THE TIME, even when an expressed sentiment might convey inchoate rage, callous insult or jejune nickname.
In the former president's compositions, lowercase letters tend to be the exception rather than the rule, WITH CAPS SPRAYED UNSTAUNCHED INTO A JUMBLE OF WORDS for no particularly cogent reason. It’s as though words were randomly chucked into a plastic salad dryer where an internally-slotted inner bowl is spun around at warp speed to rid the letters of excess moisture. The verbal salad fixings are then dumped, dry-ish, into a salad bowl garnished with Russian dressing.
World-renowned linguist Noam Chomsky has judged the aforementioned metaphor “interesting.” “By themselves,” Chomsky opined, “words mean nothing unless they are assembled in a fluent order from which true meaning emerges.”
On the question of savour, however, celebrity chef Jamie Oliver was reportedly overheard suggesting to one of his sous-chefs that the former president's word salads “tasted like ostrich guano left out in the sun for too long but that could be eaten in a desperate pinch of starvation.”
Sources requested anonymity when divulging this information out of fear of retaliation by a salad dressing from a different country.
https://www.yahoo.com/news/trump-torched-word-salad-answer-094024728.html
Bravo, John! You're on a par with Borowitz! Great stuff.